feeling moody ever since grad show end. i have come to a conclusion that i am down with post graduation and post working syndrome =(

i just feel so useless. at the first year, i struggle not to break down when i'm just so useless at drawing. at the second year...life is passing. at the third year, i struggle once again not to break down when the stress level reach the height of Mt. Everest.

When i know that Diploma is Awarded...it's just a 'ok, i managed to graduate, thank god and my family'.

i look through those job ads...and i just feel so incompetent.

i use to dream about being able to make jewellery, that never happen. neither can i draw or be extremely skilled in photoshop of 3d max or other software. i try knitting but there's no motivation.

i have no friends with me. every stage of entering school life starts with trying to find a group of friends, and end with myself alone again. sometimes i just think that i'm such a failure. this cannot that cannot, scare of this, scare of that.

i wonder what's with my life, at every stage, i enter and leave with little or nothing.

motivation is not existing in me.

even the courage or even the urge to beautify by wearing contact lens cease to exist. what is left is just fear and indecisive.

it's just worse when other then er jie, da jie and yy. i have no one else i can talk to as friends.

i feel like a log drifting in the ocean, no longer do i have the strength or energy to give a try in life. it's ironic isn't it, there are ppl out there doing all the means to give everything a try and here i am complaining about life.

it's like after all the struggle, it's not like i have become an achiever, after all the struggle, i'm still the old me that's perhaps with slightly more knowledge than previous but other than that..it's still me.

it's 3:56 AM now