someday, i really want to be out there at a country miles away from Singapore and at least live there for half a year to one year. i want to experience the life out there, how's is the everyday life over there. i don't want it to just be a holiday.

but sometimes i wonder, let's not talk about expenses whereby i have no idea where will i get the amount of money to go oversea and live. but it's more of my personality or is it character? what is the differences? i have no idea... i come across to strangers as a stuck-up girl, or angry or unfriendly. the truth is, i purposely portray it this way so that i wouldn't feel timid among people out there. yes i may be tall but i'm not the girl that is as confidence as she may seems to be. i know somethings may not make sense to you but ... it's really how i feel right now ... i have never been really myself among other people except my family members. no matter what, there's always a mask on my face the moment i step out of the house.

sometimes being so tall makes me awkward, take fri for example, when everyone stood up in class, i realise i'm the tallest. nvm, the best is we have to face each others... you know how awkward i felt, i don't where to look, i don't know how to behave and i just wish that the class will end immediately. self-confidence is something that i lack since years ago. i'm always being bullied even in kindergarden ...

haiz... i really don't know ... i guess i can only be truly happy when i learn to not wear a mask out and not having to put on a front infront of other people. i want to be natural, just be me ... but... who am i?

it's 1:17 AM now