How shall I start?

It's a pity I can't type Chinese with my laptop, because I think certain feelings can be convey through better via Chinese.

Anyway had a good chat with Ben a.k.a my twin brother at work because we got the brother and sister look but in actual fact he is 22 years old, 3 years older than me. haha. It's really fun talking to him, feels so comfortable.

Doing host is even more tired in my opinion because I have to keep standing there like statue that smiles to passer-by. The worse part is when there's very few customers so the chances of getting to walk here and there is damn little and my muscles ache so much.

Zhi Zhu Chang Le.

It's true and I had thought that all along I carry this kind of thought within me but actually I realise that there is still something that I really yearn for. I'm going to be 19 soon, few more months...but there's so much things that I haven't done. Ben was telling me to go for it, do the things that I want to do.

If only Ben is working morning shift more often. Haiz working 3 days next week because I need time to do my work but partly I guess I was trying to run away from work. Every day I will count down to the end of my shift. Work is not that bad but I feel no passion for it. I need to hang on. I need to continue to work. Guess certain people makes me feel more optimistic about working. That will be m "LAO PA" a.k.a Eric. HaHa sometime back he become my lao pa and I become his nv er. HaHaHa. Next will be Richard. Next will be "Cutie", thanks for his hugs every now and then. It bring shine to my day. It's a pity Jeff left already. Even though he always makes fun of me jokingly but it really makes work fun. It's a double pity that Dragon left too, together with Jeff. Even though I didn't really like him at first but after getting to know him better my whole impression of him changed.

=( I guess people walk in and out of your life, you just have to learn how to keep hang of them unfortunately that's something that I'm not good at.

Sometimes I just wish that I click straight on with a person right from the start and not when things are ending soon. That way the happy times would have been longer. Cherish is the key but sometimes holding on for too long and too hard is so tiring. I haven been through that and I doubt I have the strength to do that again in near future. For that I used 1 and a half year just to get over it. It's sad that cherishing something actually bring pain and sadness but I guess certain point in life, one have to learn how to let go.

After all I may just be the one that really cherish it while the other party isn't doing so. I'ts kind of stupid. I guess I really did change after all these years.

I'm starting to wonder why am I getting so soulful these days...

it's 3:59 AM now